MM to all,

I am in need of keeping all posted to avoid a total melt down.  Actually I am in need of my friens and their willing support. 

One more time I bailed and am not able to place mom in an assisted living facility.  She so does not want to go to one and just be allowed to stay home.  The support I get from family is so minimal.  My neice and daughter both tell me I am nuts and that this is killing me.  My doctor is not real fond of the idea to let her be at home either.

My husband is at least telling me to let her stay home, even knowing the hills that my come and the less time he will have me at home.  I don't know where his wanting me to follow her wishes is coming from but I am happy there is someone who says they are behind me on this.

I called today and told the place I was going to take her that she would not be coming.  I cannot recall whaat they said about the $500.00 I put down to hold the room.  So right now I don't know if it will be returned or if it is just lost.  Either way it is the least of my concerns at the moment.

We found out that my daughter has end stage, phase one Degenerative bone disease.  this would totally make sence of all her back, neck and other health problems.  The doc told her that if she would have been x-rayed last year when this was going on the would have found it and could have been treating her this whole time.

I saw my doctor the other day and she actually got to see the massive jumping my legs are dooing now.  Once she managed to get my feet in the stirupps the would not stop jumping until I was sitting up again.  She wants ne to go back to the neurologist to lable it so that they can start treating it now.  Whoopee mor doctor bills and other expences that I have no money to pay, sure wish they would give me directions to that money tree.

Yes I can feel the bitterness rising up in me.  I am working hard to continue to fight it off.  It is becoming a dark cloud that engulfs me at times.  I do know that there are ways to deal with it appropriately, but there are times I can only ask for help to keep it and my anger in check for dealing with my life.  I am grateful that the out of control thoughts do not overwhelm me and I can still see the positive possibilities and focus on other life areas. 

I need to get ready to go up and bring mom down to my house again for the day.  This is the best way I have found to get us both through the day and allow me to get some typing and things done here.  I actually made me cook dinner for my husband last night because I needed to feed her too.  There are happy things coming out of all this.

Blessings to all, Nancy